Congratulations to Clooney, Sudan and Bashir

Let’s set a few parameters here first. I am neither a supporter of Amnesty International, nor do I believe that all African leaders are of the Mugabe variety. Some are corrupt, others are dangerous, and some are just plain stupid. The only one that is adored universally is Mandela and that’s because the West had to love him to make up for our tacit support of Apartheid for so long. White supremacy led to the enthronement of a black saint. One extreme always leads to another. Something similar happened recently in the US…

First Bashir went for the intellectual look, such a disguise did wonders for South American Junta leaders, but he just never had the latin charm and his suits were badly cut...

Nor do I believe in chic international courts, such as the International criminal Court, that does not have the backing of the United States, Russia, India or China. Such courts usually lack the teeth to back their jurisdiction with real action. Courts that are backed mainly by Europeans, such as the ICC, are usually less obsessed with law, and rather more with an ill-placed belief that Europe must make amends for its territorial past by arresting the kind of black leaders it used to support in the past, also because it can no longer do business with them due to negative public opinion. Ironically, all the cases currently going the ICC are against Africans from Uganda, the Congo (DRC), the Central African Republic, and Sudan. Anybody will tell you that these are all God-forsaken places that we lose nothing by calling them pariah. The post-colonial honeymoon enjoyed by African “charismatic” leaders has come to an end. Europe is in no mood to tolerate you unless you choose to espouse the causes of democracy, green energy and same sex marriages. It does help if you have oil, like President Bashir of Sudan did, but then he should never have overplayed his hand in Darfur. European governments need be voted for by people who like George Clooney, after all. (I never got the Clooney charm thing).

Then he tried the fetishist military uniform with the all the regalia, but Hitler and Mussolini had used it and abused it

When it comes to dictators, our first instinct in Europe is to collude, collaborate, appease, and if nothing else works, then we confront for lack of a better thing to do. The only exception to the rule was my hero Churchill, but that’s another matter and another era. That’s why the Bosnian war dragged on for so long, as we tried to play off one side against the other and look clever doing it. If it weren’t for American intervention, the war would have dragged on. And if it weren’t for the US, the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia would never have taken off.

The whole point of an international court is that the backers of it can never be its defendants. With the ICC however, its mandate seemed to be so broad that it could arrest anybody, even a citizen of one its signatory states. So it makes sense not to back it, as then you can always say that you do not recognise its jurisdiction to try you.

When all else failed, he went for the Holy Man look to try to evade capture but it was too late. The ICC had sent agent Clooney after him. Actors know all about disguises...

Having said all that, I think we have entered new and uncharted waters with the first ever indictment and issue of arrest warrant for a sitting head of state. Sudan has just scored a truly unique first. Even Saddam never had such an honour bestowed upon him. President Bashir of Sudan, I never knew what your country’s contribution to human civilisation truly was until you came along. Sudan has just justified its existence. It is the country that gave the ICC a job to do and some much needed publicity. More importantly, you have given George Clooney a new career as Chief Loony Hunter, or C. Loony H, for short. Just call him CLoony

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C.Loony H, or CLoony for short, campaigning in a post-Bashir Sudan with a view to a political career, as part of a secret swap. The US gets Obama so long as Sudan promises to take C.Loony H. Kenya OK'd it.

© Sameh El-Shahat 2009